He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not ...
The Lifetime Love Panel has plenty to say to a woman whose guy
refuses to utterthose three magic words.
Aug. 17, 2007

Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and whenever I say, "I love you" to him, he just smiles. When I confronted him about this, he said that he's just not ready to say it. What does that mean?

The Love Panel says: Many men have trouble expressing their feelings verbally. You really need to examine a man's actions to get an idea of what he's feeling. For example, does he buy you flowers or treat you to romantic dinners? Does he like spending quiet alone time with you, and is he complimentary? Has he introduced you to his family? These may all be indicators that he really loves you. However, hearing "I love you" is important, and if you've told him how much these words mean to you, he should make an effort to verbalize his emotions - at least once in a while. If he won't, it could be a red flag that he's having trouble taking your relationship to the next level. -Shoshanna Rikon, founder of shoshannamatches.com

I think it's great that he's honest with you about his feelings rather than lying and leading you on. The question is: How do you feel about him not saying it? Is the rest of your relationship satisfying, enjoyable and fabulous? If so, chances are "I love you, too" will eventually happen. But if you're holding out to hear those words in a relationship that's otherwise unsatisfying, it's time to rethink your motives. We all deserve to be in relationships that are equal, loving and nurturing. If you have that with your current boyfriend, celebrate! If you don't, ask yourself why you're staying. Your answers will help you realize how you feel about his refusal to say, "I love you." -Lisa Steadman, author of "It's a Breakup, not a Breakdown" and founder of the Breakup Chronicles

The only "I love you" that's worth anything from a man is the one he initiates all by himself - without you saying anything first. Here's why: Men are rational about love. So when you say, "I love you," they go through a series of rational gymnastics like, "If I say this, she will be disappointed later if I don't show it" or "I love her in a kind of way, but maybe not in the way she wants." They freeze up and don't say anything because they're trying to figure out what to do. But this isn't a good omen, especially if he smiles a little bit when saying he's not ready to profess his love. There's almost a bit of arrogance to it, as if he's claiming, "I'm a mystery. I don't have to answer you. Figure me out." It's an indication he holds the power in the relationship. -Dr. Herb Goldberg, author of "The Hazards of Being Male"

To some, saying "I love you" is endearing. To others, it is cheesy. Or wimpy. Or scary. If your relationship is young, then your guy is very mature as he realizes that phrase is used way too cheaply and ignorantly by most dating partners. However, if you are both on the path to marriage, then you need to find out why he can't say those words. What is most important in your long term relationship is not what he whispers into your ear (although that helps), it is what he speaks into your heart with his actions. If he is showing you how much he cares, adores, and yes, even loves you each day, then don't let not hearing those three little words get in the way. -Michael Webb, founder of theromantic.com