JEWISH SINGLES & DATING SERVICES IN THE NEWS

Single and Looking?
Matchmakers are back in style
By Rachel Pomerance
May 15th, 2007

Hello, friends, hear that? It's the hum of birds and hearts atwitter in the thick of spring fever. And as sure as Atlanta pollen, we humans are feeling amorous So let's begin with a follow-up question to last month's advice to J.R.

Like J.R., I'm over 45, new to dating and saw that you suggested he hire a traditional matchmaker. Are there Jewish traditional matchmakers in Atlanta?

"Seeking the One"

Dear One Seeker,
Turns out matchmakers are back. There's actually a matchmaking school in New York. Online dating "mainstreamed the use of a third party as a viable option to meeting someone," says the Matchmaking Institute's co-founder Lisa Clampitt. And that led many to crave the privacy and security of a personal filter. "We're so involved in our worlds, our families, our work that we really, really need someone to bring us in and make us a priority and coach us and guide us and give us access" so that "you don't feel alone and you don't feel overwhelmed." Wow.

Where do I sign up?

When it comes to official yentas, local services may not be your best bet. It's Just Lunch claims to have Jewish members, but the matchmaker I spoke to could give no indication of volume. Staff at two other groups - Traditional Matchmakers and The Right One - said their Jewish clientele here is skimpy. There are, however, the unofficial yentas - your neighbors, your rabbi, your rabbi's spouse. Get everyone working for you. In the Orthodox circles, there are serious dabblers in matchmaking. To expand your choices, I suggest looking beyond Atlanta. Chicago-based Selective Search, an international business with offices here, boasts an impressive success rate - 45 percent of clients marry one of the first three people they meet. The firm stresses the diverse ethnicities and religions of its members. And you can get on the group's radar for free to be considered for the paying members. Other services can require a pretty big investment from all parties. Remember the short-lived TV show Miss Match with Alicia Silverstone? It was based on Samantha Daniels, the divorce attorney-turned-matchmaker whose bicoastal service can reportedly cost up to six figures. (For a thriftier start, check out her "Dating Dos and Don'ts" or buy her book at samanthastable.com).

Shoshanna Rikon, 33, of Shoshannasmatches.com juggles more than 3,000 Jewish clients, mostly from Manhattan. But she also takes on out-of-towners. "People are so sick of using the Internet, where they just get random dates" and "a lot of people misrepresent themselves . . . You don't get that from me," she says. "I'm checking out their tuchus" - in other words, the true package. Rikon pushes people to relax unrealistic expectations and give dates a second or third chance. "She's not a model, but she's hot," she'll tell male clients, reminding them of their own standard looks. "I can't give you hotter than this."

Rikon urges singles to boost their chances with several plans - online dating, singles events, matchmakers, even checking out singles at the supermarket. If you hire a matchmaker, make sure you two enjoy a rapport, she says. Of course, there's more to it than that, as Clampitt explains in her upcoming book, Make Me a Match: The 21st Century Guide to Finding and Using a Matchmaker. Essentially, Clampitt says that "a good listener makes a good matchmaker" and works with the client to unlock unhealthy patterns.

New to Atlanta, Vivienne writes:
I know nothing about the Jewish singles community, but . . . I was given your name! I am 38 years old, so I am looking for a little older group.

Vivienne,
Shanna Gerson, the MJCC's North Metro program coordinator, runs a group for Jewish singles over 45. She also recommends Rabbi Efraim Davidson's My Own BackYard, which caters to those in their late 30s, and sandboxdating.com, whose Jewish coordinator offers a wide range of programs including Jewish speed dating. Also, although it's not necessarily a singles group, the Jewish Federation's Young Leadership Council would introduce you to a great network of people under 40.

Talk to you next month! You can write me at rpomerance@gmail.com.

- Rachel

P.S. Let My People Go, host of the country's largest singles event - a New York City Christmas Eve bash - comes to Atlanta. Don't miss the launch party May 17 at Shout.